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Heads of the family

by I'dawn

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1.
Isn't life 02:23
Where is your smile ? I must admit that I lost mine Why is it so dark ? Far away beyond your eyes Then you grab my hand And light comes back I feel that stab All the way down my broken spine They brought us the food But I could not eat a single bite I craved to touch your cheeks And promise everything would be all right The day was gone When we left Surrounding us, the night Your smell, your touch Was all I ever asked, before I died Crawl away back home Pictures of you still alive In my drunken mind Isn't life... isn't life... ?
2.
1997 03:06
Our laughs are flying in the air We float a million miles away So far so good, we used to say This year we could have lived for Nineteen ninety seven years more I kiss you when he doesn't look (The taste of golden love) We float a million miles away (From their little talk) We didn't know it wouldn't last (Fall was almost here) This year we should have lived for Nineteen ninety seven years more We should have known those things are meant (we were too young to see) To disappear à tout jamais (Why should we give a damn ?) Beauty was us, yes, nothing less (And nothing nothing more) This love we have fallen for Nineteen ninety seven, nevermore These days will never stop They're living bright in our hearts We were the stars the moon the center Of the world And if you think memories die They're carved up in stone We were the 1997 lords
3.
Cold hands 03:32
You whispered The words you wrote for me I kept the letter But the lines began to blur Daddy never came in the frozen house He knew I was in trouble Ten days all alone With your ghost The doctor came With a needle in his hand Relief at last Just a shot away from death Daddy never came in the frozen house He knew I was in trouble Storm reclaimed the land I didn't belong to You said 'Write some songs, with your guts, my son' By dawn you were gone leaving just a hole in our hearts You said 'To dust, we shall all return" I would spit in the face of the god that is deaf The winter night You died was cold as the hands We tried to give Alone, we were in this awe
4.
Dying fire 04:08
Well we can stare at this dying fire Fascinated by the flickering light Both of us know there is something better Than sleeping in a barren bed Went through the mexican shady hours Fascinated by the infinite lights We drank away our youth, sharing laughter We lived together a thousand lives We cried, we yelled, we rampaged the world Feral, untamed, we bit the feeding hands Nothing could stop us then If love is a gun, we run out of rounds We stare at this dying fire New York city was a bitching liar We knew better than that to sell our hearts We crossed the jungles, the lonely borders Fascinated by the tiniest light You held my hand through the darkest hours And brought to life two beating hearts We cried, we yelled, we rampaged the world Feral, untamed, we bit the feeding hands Nothing could stop us then
5.
The ambulance stopped at the gate You came down with this thing on your head You thought it would ease our pain But shivers of fright run down my skin The wig looked wrong, its colors not fitting Your withered face We lied as we said it was cool, it wasn't We hugged and cried at the threshold The house was cold, this day you came back Dying with us The wig looked wrong, its colors too bright For your terrified blue eyes You smiled and tried to cheer us up There was no place to hide Hearing you moan at night Covered my head under my pillow Your agony was The worse way to go In a dream I saw you at night In the garden haze Kazan was barking like hell broke loose He knows You wont be back The wig looked wrong, in the gloomy mirage You were a heap of bones You disappeared in the mist, I cried Running after you The rabid dog would bite my face Resentful and mad We all looked wrong, in the picture we took With our broken smiles Morphine held you in her arms Making you see some stars Monsters crawled out under the shadows You agony was The way you had to go
6.
Dad, please forgive those words I sing They're out of love, you know We lived our lives at a distance For so long When mother died you were already down Living on your own I needed a father but I had a dad That I didn't know You didn't seem to care much about my things I would speak so low But there's that silly question that still remains Even though you're gone Did you care ? You would take me to the shopping mall And we'd share a meal Was it all that I would ever get To rebuild my drenched, dried heart ? Daddy did I understand, when I called last night ? Your words were drunk Remember I came to your house and I brought my daughter We took a shot Today I stare at the picture and I want to cry Where were you ? You didn't seem to care That's what I feel, that's what I grieve You would take me to the shopping mall And we'd share a meal Was it all that I would ever get To rebuild my drenched, dried heart ? To rebuild my heart Dad, please forgive those words I sing they're out of love, you know
7.
Your favorite drink was gin tonic and lime And thousand tears of grief Your face was black with make up running All the way down your cheeks The kitchen table was holding its breath It tried to keep you from drowning We were together in this Hell of a time Sister I saw you down in that well We couldn't be much deeper Yet joy was all around pain away for a while You made me feel safe and sound We shared our meals you drunk, me high It was a breath of life We were together in this Hell of a time
8.
Stupid birds 03:00
9.
Six in the morning brother you came, you've never been late for me Go up the stairs there's something out there that's gonna make us feel the need For better days, better smiles, better friends, better happiness and love and life Never missed the train but always running late Bursts of laugh in your car, we couldn't care less Rainy days can't ruin our fun, for nothing in the world We've been through the storm Walking our own way And now it feels good To meet you again In this light Death was all around and you took a step back but you never remained far away We never were the kind to display any kind of things that were inside our hearts It never ever meant that we didn't give a damn, beyond any doubt Stoned in your car, we never felt so close, riding in the dark Rise the morning light Death like days are far behind The sky is clear and bright You look like Dad Well at least in my eyes You'd bring me to the station And wave goodbye That was all I needed at that time Brother we are very different But blood inside our veins is much the same I've met you again in this light
10.
Looking at the coffin going down Under I feel ashamed for thinking of My own death, not yours The day was hot, we had sunglasses Hiding our tears I had a few moments alone With your dead body I wish someone would tell me this What was I supposed to feel ? I felt just like a little boy Sister was begging for the words She waited for them all her life What were we all supposed to feel ? We threw a handful of earth On the wooden box Then you disappeared forever Deep down underground We drank together at your house Sister yelled all along Her love was unfathomable Just as her anger I looked at it from a distance Is it real or a dream ? My brain stopped, my heart dropped We were the heads now of the family The next to end up in a box It could be you, it could be me Went to your room, your smell was here Sat on your chair, like you Daddy, you're gone, and left the world A worse place to live, without you
11.
I didn't want a kid That's how stupid I was Your mom has always been Much smarter than I was On this snowy day You came out of the void I loved you outright I didn't want your sis' That's the kind of fool I was She's such a little storm Yet such a little bird If life made any sense I'm not sure what it was Then we hug in pyjamas And the beauty of the world says : No more rainy Death like days With my baby In my arms Light's suddenly brighter The dawn is here Break through the clouds, the glorious Triumph of life You wake me up at night And fight over a toy You wake me up at dawn And broke my crumbling back Yet not a single time Did I want to go back Well, maybe once or twice... My love for you my girls Is to the end of times I'd annihilate the world To shield you from its rage It keeps amazing me How soft your skin can be Gracious, you are not No, you are grace embodied No more worries Late at night I love you babies In my guts Light's suddenly brighter The dawn is here Break through the clouds, the glorious Triumph of life

about

4th album from my project 'I'dawn'. It all started in 2004 but for a long while I havn't produced any music under this name. Then last year, I felt the need to write those songs after my father passed away. Many family stories started emerging from the past and I suddenly had this urge to talk about them. To give them a shape.
I composed and recorded in Indonesia where I was living at the time. Sunny sky, palm trees and surf spots being the strangest contrast I can think of related to this album.
My good friend and great musician Michael Martin helped me with the drums through the internet and he dedicated himself to produce and mix this album, making the best of it, beyond my expectations.

credits

released February 22, 2022

Renaud Ehrengardt - All songs
Michael Martin - Drums, Mixing and Mastering

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about

I'dawn Bordeaux, France

Renaud Ehrengardt is the main composer of I'dawn. He has lived on four continents, playing music with many different people along the way. I'dawn was his first solo project and the more personal. Now living in Morocco, Renaud eats tajine in Marrakech.

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